Have a Howwwling Good Time!

If you’ve been following this blog, you already know that I’m a night owl and get some unusual, macabre, or just plain weird inspiration after midnight. 

(image licensed from Adobe Stock)

(First published in 2021)

The year of the COVID quarantine was particularly bad for finding solitary entertainment, especially on Halloween. Only tricks, no treats, so I’m passing along this great offer to you, dear friends. It’s really pretty easy to transform into a werewolf. Easy and quick – compared to how long it took me to grow out of shy Alarie and terrified of public speaking Alarie. 

How to Become a Werewolf

Do you ever have insomnia?  Experience disturbing dreams at the full moon? Then you may be

ready for an exciting change! It’s easier than you think. That’s  right, for just $39.95 plus shipping

you can get our glow-in-the dark  instructional booklet and DVD (for rainy night viewing). Sure, you could

search for a werewolf to bite you, but just think how many ways that can go wrong! Like violent death, duh.

Our patented DYI process has proved safe and effective for a smooth transition. Why wait to explore your

wild side? You can start tonight!  That’s right, warm-up nocturnal exercises will accelerate your training.

Stay up till 1:00,  2:00, even better 3:00 a.m. (You don’t want anyone around to ask what you’re doing, do you?)

Keep it a surprise! Your improved night vision will be a plus in step 8: Learning to Stalk through Dead

Leaves. Call NOW... Operators are standing by during the hours of darkness in every time zone.

Warning: Avoid watching horror films. They’ll only confuse you. You must find your own darkness. 

Listen to those strange voices you don’t think are you. They really are. We all have good reasons to sing

at the moon,  to excavate the caverns of our minds. Progress is remarkable. 

By week six, most report accelerated hair growth, a break in the voice, a craving for rare meat. Consult your

doctor if you develop persistent  homicidal thoughts. Symptoms may vary. So how will you know you’re a

werewolf? Like falling in love, you’ll just know.

Alarie Tennille © 2021

Thanks to Silver Birch Press where this How To Guide first appeared. It’s also in my latest poetry collection, Three A.M. at the Museum.

Awooooooooooooooooooo!